Heal Your Heart, Heal Your Life: What Wayne Dyer Taught Me About Self-Reliance

Quote by Wayne Dyer. Image artwork by Julie

What Guided My Healing Journey

What guided my healing journey was discovering the work of Wayne Dyer. I found him during a time of heartbreak — grief was all consuming, and I was trying to find my way out of the darkness. I didn’t know where to turn or how to begin, but his voice found me at the perfect moment and brought me something I longed to experience: peace.

Wayne was genuine, warm, and funny. He spoke in a way that I found myself relaxing, softening — trusting again. And what struck me most was that his teachings didn’t feel new. They felt like remembering what I had always known deep inside, but had forgotten how to trust. He didn’t give me answers — he gave me validation. And through that, I began to heal.

Finding Walden — and Finding Myself

One of the first stories Wayne shared that stayed with me was about being kicked out of school as a teenager. He had been sent to the principal’s office — again — and while sitting there he picked up a copy of Walden by Henry David Thoreau. That moment helped shape his life.

When I heard him talk about Walden, it struck a deep chord. That book was one of the first I ever felt drawn to in high school — not because I had to read it, but because something in it called to me. Thoreau’s words about living deliberately and listening to the beat of your own drum gave me a sense of being understood. I didn’t know it at the time, but that book was one of the earliest seeds of self-reliance in me, too.

So when Wayne talked about that moment I felt seen. He didn’t follow the rules. He didn’t conform. He remembered who he was by listening to voices that spoke to his soul, not his conditioning.

We Are Not Our Past

Another teaching that helped me early on was Wayne’s reflection on the past — especially the analogy he used about the wake of a boat. He said:

“The wake doesn’t drive the boat. The wake is just a trail that’s left behind.”

He explained that our past is like the wake — it can’t steer us unless we let it.

This was huge for me. I had been stuck in stories about who I was, what I’d been through, and what had been done to me. Wayne gave me permission to let go, reminding me that I am not my past, and I don’t have to drag those stories forward into every new moment.

That truth was both liberating, terrifying, and deeply healing. I could choose a different direction. I could choose me.

"We are not responsible for our trauma—but we are responsible for our healing. "

🕳️ The Hole in the Sidewalk

One of my favorite stories Wayne ever shared was Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson. I remember he talked about it during a retreat, and it stuck with me.

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost... I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.I still fall in... it's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

I remember thinking—this is me. And not just once but many times. How often do we fall into the same hole in life? In relationships, in self‑talk, in patterns that keep us small? And every time we tell ourselves, “I didn’t see it,” or “It’s not my fault,” or “Maybe this time it won’t hurt.” But deep down… we know. The truth is, we’re often more aware than we realize. We’re learning — it just takes time. Sometimes a long time. And that’s okay.

Because awareness is a process, not a moment. And when we finally walk around the hole — or choose a different street entirely —that’s growth. That’s wisdom. That’s healing. Wayne taught me that. To forgive the fall, learn the pattern, and walk forward anyway.

Humor as Medicine

One of the reasons I connected so deeply with Wayne Dyer was his humor. He didn’t just share wisdom — he shared it with warmth, wit, and lightness. He could deliver a spiritual truth with a punchline that made you laugh and reflect all in the same breath. He didn’t take himself too seriously, and that made his teachings feel approachable, real, and human.

One of my favorite quotes of his is:

“It’s only when a mosquito lands on a man’s testicles that he discovers a way to solve problems without using violence.”

That line always makes me laugh — and it’s such a Wayne way of pointing to something deeper: peace, restraint, and presence. He had a way of saying things that made spiritual growth feel like a joyful, human adventure. When I was struggling in my grief, when my heart was broken and my mind swimming with questions, Wayne didn’t just give me answers — he gave me permission to laugh again. He reminded me that truth doesn’t have to be heavy. That the path back to myself could be both meaningful and lighthearted. And that sometimes, the healing thing you can do is laugh.

An Infinite Soul, Just Passing Through

Wayne often said:

“All of us are infinite spiritual beings having a temporary human experience.”

When I heard that for the first time, I cried "YES!" Not because it was new, but because it was something I already knew deep in my heart. It felt like someone had finally said out loud what my soul had been whispering to me all along. Wayne spoke with passion, humor, and sincerity about this truth — that we are eternal souls in temporary bodies, here to grow, love, remember, and return. I had felt this my whole life, but hearing him say it gave me courage. It made me feel less alone in what I knew but hadn’t fully claimed.

✨ The Soul Remembers

In many ways, Wayne Dyer’s work helped me turn inward — to stop searching outside myself for worth, love, or peace. He helped me realize that healing isn’t about adding more, but about peeling back the layers of fear, story, and self-doubt to find what was always there: truth, love, and God/Universe/Source within.

This passage by Rumi captures that journey so powerfully — the essence of both Wayne’s teachings and my own path:

"You who seek God apart, apart,

The thing you seek, thou art, thou art;

Why then search for what you have not lost?

Searching for what’s not lost, distrust, distrust!

Thou art the letters, names, and the book,

Prophets and angels your word undertook;

Just sit still, this futile search let go —

You are the house, master and foe.

Essence and form, celestial and from earth,

Always eternal, in death and at birth.

If you want to see the beloved’s face,

Polish the mirror, gaze into that space.

In these truths, the secrets you weave

Are your punishments — yourselves deceive."

These words feel like an invitation — not just to believe, but to remember. To polish the mirror. To see the divine in ourselves, even in our grief. Especially in our grief. Wayne didn’t ask me to follow him — he asked me to follow myself. And in doing so, I found God/Universe/Source again, too.

📝 What Remains

Even now, years after first hearing his voice, Wayne’s words live on in my daily life. They’ve become part of how I see the world, how I come back to myself, and how I meet challenges with grace. Here are just a few of his quotes that continue to guide me — reminders I return to when I need peace, clarity, or simply to remember who I am:

"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change."

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

"When you judge another, you don’t define them — you define yourself."

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with."

"When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace."

"You have everything you need for complete peace and total happiness right now."

"You don't need to be better than anyone else. You just need to be better than you used to be."

"If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities.If you believe it won’t, you’ll see obstacles."

Thank you, Wayne. You helped me come home.